“The Ugly Side of Motherhood (That We Dare Not Speak Of)”

Oh stop, I know you read that title and gasped with “how dare she”. Let’s be real, Motherhood has its moments and if you’re like me you can laugh at those moments  and, at the same time, pray for them to end. I don’t know, maybe I can be more honest because, for me, I wasn’t living my life to be a Mother and Wife. I wanted to get married and have kids, but I wasn’t  in any rush; it was going to happen when it was supposed to and I sure wasn’t going to lose my entire identity to motherhood.

I receive emails from fans, friends and followers about how they appreciate my honesty on life–especially the goals I struggle with, the meals I burn, the desserts that taste disgusting and the Pinterest projects that NEVER come out right.

I share how I can’t stand changing diapers, hate cleaning high chairs and how motherhood’s taking one h*ll of a toll on my body (despite my self-awareness and healthy lifestyle!)  As much as this might seem too direct to a few of you, for the most part, I truly believe that this type of ‘brutal honesty’ can be healthy and cathartic. (Note: I’m talking about honesty that doesn’t hurt a fly. Tactless and malicious honestly is an entirely different topic,)  I’m absolutely in love with every other aspect of motherhood, especially the part where I get to teach my kids and watch them learn grow, smile, laugh and be kind.  It warms my heart when they say “thank you,’ ‘I love you,’ and now every time I get them from their naps, we all say “ I missed you”.  Ugh, I love it.

My twins are now 21 months old and being mother to them has been an experience I would never change. As you know, life isn’t perfect and we aren’t perfect. I don’t have to love everything about being a mom. So, here are the top  4 brutally honest dislikes about motherhood that I can share with you. I’m sure I’m not alone…

1. Changing Diapers: Somebody really has to figure out how to potty train  these miracle babies at birth.  Yea, It’s my job and I do it, but I am so mumbling under my breath how much this sucks and smells and can’t believe diapers are in my life for the next several months–hopefully not years. LOL. I’m laughing as I type this because it’s hysterical to me. They hate it too and don’t make it any easier when they cry and move and twist their bodies so the sh*t really hits the roof.
2. Cleaning High Chairs: I wouldn’t even hire a cleaning lady to clean these highchairs because it’s so annoying and painful. Three times a day for two kids: why leave the kitchen?  It was like breastfeeding twins, every 3 hours, but by the time I was done breastfeeding and pumping it was time to go again.
3. Singing with them:Mainly because I can’t stand hearing my horrible singing voice. Ask any of my friends, I never know the words and I’m pretty sure I’m tone deaf.  Of course I sing and have fun with them, but gosh It’s awful. I really should take basic singing lessons so I don’t  damage their ears. LOL.
4. Baby Proofing: My husband and I rarely, I mean rarely, argue and yell at one another. We’ve been together for about 8 years now and I think maybe 4 times we lost our cool with one another. 3 of those moments were over BABY PROOFING the house. Holy cannoli that was a disaster, mainly because we both aren’t that handy. The baby proofing is of course needed, but the most painful process to get all set up.

What I LOVE about being a Mother totally outweighs these few brutal moments I’ve seen so far through these early years. My point here is that it’s OKAY to not love and enjoy bits and pieces of our lives, careers, and all experiences.  Don’t feel guilty or ashamed for speaking the truth.  For me, it means that I’m  human and if voicing my ‘hate’s  can make another person feel validated, supported and not alone in these same thoughts, then I’m happy to be the one who shares.

I urge you to think about how YOU CAN BE BRUTALLY HONEST? In what situations in work or play can you be 100% forthright and true #1 to yourself and #2 with people you have trusting relationships?  

Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life – Accept. Appreciate. Achieve.™ Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. Their answers can be random and in the moment or they can be aligned with the above article. As a team, we hope to inspire and motivate ourselves and inspire you to get all A’s.

1. What have you accepted within your life, physically and/or mentally? What are you still working on accepting?  

When it comes to Motherhood, I’ve accepted the not-so-fun moments as part of a blessed journey.  There will always be highs and some lows in life, however they create memories, conversation pieces, and add to our personal growth.

2. What have you learn to appreciate about yourself and/or within your life, physically and mentally? What are you still working on to appreciate?

I appreciate my ability to practice a conscious and honesty parenting style. With this approach, my soul and days have purpose.

3. What is one of your most rewarding achievements in life? What makes YOU most proud? What goals and dreams do you still have?

So far it’s raising healthy, smart and kind babies with my husband of course. We make a great team!

4. We all have imperfections, so we think. The truth—we are all perfectly imperfect. What are your not-so-perfect ways? What imperfections and quirks create who you are—your Identity?

I’m a horrible singer and feel sorry for my kids, however it has created some great laughs with family and friends.

5. “I Love My…” is an outlet for you to express and appreciate all the positive traits that make you…well… YOU! Sharing what you love about yourself will make you smile, feel empowered, and uplift your spirit and soul. (we assure you!) Identity challenges you to complete the phrase “I Love My…?”

I love my sense of humor, I love my family and my twins. I love ability to shoot straight!

 

AUTHOR: Susan Vernicek

Susan is happily married and a mother of twins. • She’s tried almost every fad diet back in her quick-fix days, admits at age 34 it’s a struggle to work hard on overall balance and is focused on not giving into the unhealthy fads we see daily. • She’s all natural with natural blonde hair, uneven breasts, a bigger nose, and full of curves that she learns to appreciate more and more each day. • She had a career where part of her job was staring at herself 40 hours a week manipulating her very own face as well as others. • She’s the youngest of 7, ranging from 30-50+, an Aunt, Great Aunt and even younger than some of her nieces and nephews! • She’s traveled and seen over 8 countries and spent a summer in London finding her passion and embracing life. • She created S&J Identity, Inc. AKA Identity Magazine (www.identitymagazine.net), having no business background and at the age of 25.